maybe someday someway...or how about now?

once upon a time there was a girl, the end love the story? im sure this next one will be much better, so my mother says "you should just do two years here" and i am not saying that there is nothing wrong, seriously nothing wrong with staying in san jose and going to san jose state or going to evc or deanza, but im just saying when i think of it, i think not, no no no thats not for me, as in, i want mnore than the experience of actually being out of highschool going to "college" and learning for my future occupation, i want the dorm life i want the lessons that go with it, the feeling you get that youre on your own experiencing, no guidance but your own self intuition, i mean itll be okay if you make a mistake actually no its not but the thing is...

youll be the one to learn figure out and bring yourself back on your own two feet, without the full help of others, i guess that only calls for one word that could ever come to mind, university? state school? please, down south in the place called san diego, '(They're sayin) Lets go to San Diego, Hey thats where all the kids go, Just dont change a thing', somewhere there somewhere santa barbara, not just to be there in the atmosphere that i came to love and favor, the point is, this may sound all selfish, but hey isnt that what it takes, get what you want, to be happy, INSTEAD of being somewhere your unhappy where your most likely to give below an 80% rate of persistance and hard work...

im taking into consideration what the mother says, but i dont want to make that decision based on others say, i want to make it on my own decision, and i have, but darn, something just had to ruin it, you know what im afraid of, bubbling up and bursting will ALL THE WORDS I DIDNT MEAN? or did i mean them? cause sometimes the truth hurts, and so does over ruling, the objection of one human to another, interesting, im unhappy with the method that falls upon me, ive wasted a freken summer being like some hermit, and dragged some person(s) down with me, my summer theme: DISAPPOINTMENT or THE DISAPPOINTER, what a killjoy...

interesting is the fact that you cant have always what you want, does that apply to anyone? I WANT TO GO GO GO EXPERIENCE LIVE LEARN...i think i shall prepare by being honest, i think thats one of the hardest parts, some ppl are lucky, they dont have to go through this kind of situation, TOAST TO YOU sirs and ladies, and triple toast to you who have such a similar obstacle.